The Pivotal Moment: A run in with a Chair

Summer 2007.  Me at 350 pounds

I can't tell you the exact moment when I became fat.  I was the chubby baby that never as my grandma would put it grew out of her baby fat.  She always said I was her beautiful granddaughter and never made me feel like anything less.  Grandmas have a certain way about making everything in life pretty darn wonderful.  But I'll save the wonderfulness of my grandma for another post.

Back to the original topic, I can't tell you the moment I became fat.  I can however tell you the moment I decided to stop being fat.  I had just gone back to school to start my Masters Degree in Teaching.  It was something at the time that I thought would fit in with my life.  I had taught before getting married but once we adopted our sons I became the stay at home mom.  So going back to a job where I'd have summers off seemed like it would be a perfect fit for our family.  I was balancing school with parenting  3,6 and 7 year old boys.  Things were tiring but manageable.

Here comes the moment July 2007.  I was about to do my student teaching in the fall of 2007.  My university required a photo for it as well as Praxis exam scores.  So the morning of the exam my husband took the photo for me, then I went off to the exam.  Nervous of course, that dreaded test anxiety.

I arrive to take the test on campus.

The Pivotal Chair

The moment.  The turning point.  I find a seat in the back in one of those chairs with the attached desk that flips to the side.  A Flip Tablet Arm Chair.  The table part was up.  I wiggled in my chair anxiously and lowered the table.  No, I attempted to lower the table.  It was stuck just below my chest at the most awkward angle.  Panic set in.  How was I going to take this exam sitting here, squished into a desk that was not constructed with the thought that a 5'4 1/2" 350 pound woman would be sitting in it one day to take an exam.  I got out of said design flawed chair, and went to the front of the room where the two exam proctors were seated at a large standard table with chairs.  I explained the situation and asked if I could sit at the table or in a chair that fit me.  The proctor told me no as I hadn't filed for an accommodation for test takers with disabilities or health related needs.  I explained that I had no idea I even had a disability. My eyes welled up with tears.  The other proctor realized what was happening and offered me her chair for the exam.  Looking back at the list of accommodations, being too fat for the chair was not listed as a disability.

This moment was the first time that I felt academically inferior due to size.  My fat nearly got in the way of taking an exam, an exam which I received a certificate of excellence for scoring in the top 5% of test takers.  I made it through the exam, but as I walked to my car tears filled my eyes.  I was so upset leaving the parking garage and distracted that I accidentally hit the gate.  I know, right.  Thankfully the lot attendant wasn't upset as apparently these things happen all the time.  He told me it was fine and that I didn't need to cry about it or give him my insurance.

So back into my car I called my husband in tears, in a bumbling tangent of unintelligible garbled words with sobs that well only a well trained therapist could decipher, which he is not.  Forty minutes later I walked in still in tears and told that was it.  I was going to have bariatric surgery.

People had been telling me my whole life to loose weight.  I'd been on every imaginable diet  starting at age 12, from cabbage soup, atkins, grapefruit, weight watchers, south beach, medifast to slimfast.  I played sports, tennis in high school in spite of my size.  However nothing ever worked for me in the long term.  My mother was always on my case about everything I ever put in my mouth, asking me if I really needed to eat that.

It wasn't until that moment where my weight threatened my intelligence that I was willing to take a drastic step.  I had a friend who had bariatric surgery, so I called her to ask her for her surgeon's number.  I scheduled an appointment with him for later that week.  And in true to myself form began reading everything I could find on bariatric surgery and all of the options available.